As I haven’t managed to score my dream job yet, I started to think about what I love the most – cutting in animals.
Some like to screw things apart and see what they look like on the inside. This (I’m guessing) can be anything from phones to large locomotives, but they have the urge to see where every wire is placed and what it is that makes that ticking sound.
I’m just like this, but with animals. My latest slaughter dream is to take apart a butterfly larva and see where the wing discs are placed. Ah, I can’t wait for summer!
(The only difference is that, when the mechanically interested goes amok with the hammer, he is quite sure that he’ll succeed in putting it all back together again. Whereas, would I to take a knife to a poor creature, I’m almost 100% certain that the animal wouldn’t function quite the same after the procedure.)
A former colleague of mine was lucky enough to get a job where you can play animal detective. She had to do a biopsy of the animal to see what it had died of. One time she got to cut into a shark! And another time a whole horse!! She said the liver was as big as – well I can’t come up with an example, maybe two human heads would be the appropriate size.
Anyway, since they don’t hire people where she worked (she was only there as a trainee) I have to come up with something else. So I thought, why don’t I move to France and start as an apprentice in a local butcher’s shop. There, far away in the countryside, I could kill some sheep and a few pigs every week – maybe even a horse now and then, and learn how to make wonderful sausages. After some years I could come back to Finland and open up the first carbohydrate-free restaurant. Hopefully the Atkins diet would still be popular and people from all over the country would flock at my place where they would have the finest steaks and (almost flour-free) sausages.
What do you think? It’s a perfect plan, no!?
All animals in this post, whether pictured or otherwise spoken of, were dead before the cutting began.
Idathé 